Today

And today you tell me how much you love me
That you would want to make me feel just how much before you die
That you feel guilty for not being able to do so now
I would have had loved to hear this months back
When the hunger for you is so intense that feeding it makes it even worse
But now all that I'm left with is doubts
I don't know if I should believe you
And I don't know if you even believe your own words
Might it be that you just wish to do the right thing?
That you just wish to make it right with me,
And not be necessarily as in love with me as you think you are?
I sometimes wish I would have the strength to leave you
So you could figure this out all on your own
You need desperately to solve your own puzzle for us to start making sense
I need for you to want this, as much as you love me.

Still Waiting

For so many times I have told myself I can't anymore. For so many times I have said it's over. Better leave things unexplained and unknown than try to find out and struggle to understand. I have told myself, I better let go. Better for my health, better for my heart, better for my soul. And yet each time you pull me back, just when I was all set to leave you. Each time you would ask me not to go, reason with me, fight with me. And when you do, I feel I can hold on forever, wait for an eternity, if the waiting could be this good...

Then again comes the doubts, the fear, the worries. You've done this in the past. How is my heart to listen to my soul and not my fears? How does one quiet the mind, when it has been the one at work for the longest time? Why did it have to be you, You who can't be with me. You who couldn't be ready? Why must I love you? Why you?

But how can I not? When you could make me feel that I'm the reason for your changing. How can I not love someone who would beg me to stay? I never loved you for a reason. How can I not love you now that there's more of a reason?